Your Values Become Your Compass When Life Feels Off

Your life can look “good” and still feel off and that disconnect isn’t always about effort, discipline, or even circumstances. We dig into a quieter, deeper culprit: misalignment between the life you’re building and the values guiding it. When your career, routines, and relationships are built on borrowed priorities, success can start to feel strangely empty, and even your biggest wins can land without the feeling you expected.

We walk through realignment as a core phase of the C2R2E methodology (collapse, confrontation, realignment, reclamation, elevation) and ask a simple but uncomfortable question: what values are actually shaping your baseline right now? I break down how values influence priorities, priorities shape decisions, decisions become habits, and habits create your day-to-day reality. If nothing changes in that chain, your life doesn’t change either, no matter how “productive” you are.

You’ll also hear a story from past guest Audra Phelps that stuck with me: she once realized she didn’t even know her favorite pie because she’d spent years defaulting to what pleased others. It sounds small until you recognize what it reveals about identity, unspoken expectations, and the slow drift away from what you genuinely want. We close with practical reflection prompts to help you list your values, separate what you inherited from what you chose, and test what truly fits the person you are becoming.

If this gave you a gut-check, subscribe for the next phase of the series, share the episode with a friend who feels stuck, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What’s one value you’re ready to choose on purpose?

Transcript

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When Success Still Feels Off

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Have you ever looked at your life and thought, this isn't where I thought I'd be? And maybe your career may look successful, but despite the success, you actually feel disconnected. And then from a relationship perspective, perhaps your relationship looks healthy from the outside, but at the same time, you know something feels off. And maybe you've accomplished some goals in your life that you've always dreamt about, but yet you're still asking yourself, why doesn't this feel the way I thought it would have been, or how I would have imagined reaching my dreams would have felt like. So if you ever felt that tension, I would like to suggest something just to explore. And the issue itself may actually not have anything to do with the level of effort and deliberacy that you have. In fact, it may not even be your circumstances. And it could be your alignment. And that's what we're going to talk about today.

Realignment In The C2R2E Path

SPEAKER_00 1:08

So, with that, welcome back to another episode of the Next Baseline. I'm your podcast host, Danny DeHesus. And as always, this is the podcast where we explore one question and one key question, and that is what do we build now to reach our next baseline? So, over the last several episodes, we've been talking heavily and walking through the C2R2E methodology. And as a reminder, C2R2E, especially for those that are just tuning in for the first time, C2R2E stands for collapse, confrontation, realignment, reclamation, and elevation. So going back in time to previous episodes, first thing I want to highlight here is that collapse showed us the signal that something wasn't working, followed by confrontation, and confrontation challenges us to face the reality of our situations and also understand what the signal of collapse was actually trying to teach us. Now, in our last episode, we talked about creating calm. We talked about slowing down long enough to hear ourselves think because it's incredibly difficult to realign your life in the middle of constant chaos. And so today I want to take that conversation a next step further. And I want to deeper dive a little bit deeper into this thought about what realignment is. Because once life becomes quiet and it becomes quiet enough to where we can actually think and process, you have to decide what you're going to build your life upon. What foundation are you now going to continue your journey of life and rebuild from? And so what we're going to explore is the journey to realignment. And I think many people believe realignment could be something towards the effect of perhaps it's changing a job, moving to a new city, starting a new relationship, creating new habits. And sometimes, yes, it could be those things to go be a part of things or commune with people that realign with who we are. And that's fine. But I think there's something more to this. And I don't think that's where realignment actually begins. And I

Values As The Real Starting Point

SPEAKER_00 3:43

think what realignment, or at least where realignment actually begins, is really by asking a deeper question. And that deeper question is this what values are actually guiding the life that we're trying to live? Or what values have guided our lives to this point? Because whether we realize it or not, our values is going to influence almost everything that we do, everything that we become a part of. They're going to shape our priorities, they're going to influence our decisions, and they're also going to determine where we spend our time, our energy, and what we give our attention to. And so over time, those decisions that we make on a day-to-day, those things that we allow to influence us on a day-to-day, those things that we pour our time and energy into on a day-to-day is going to determine our baseline. So if we don't like our current baseline, if we have an issue with what our current baseline is, and there's nothing wrong with not feeling fully realigned, and that's okay. But I think it is worth asking whether we're living according to the values that truly align with who we are today. So with that, I think we need to dive into our question here. Where do our values come from? And so here is something from a personal perspective that I

Where Values Come From

SPEAKER_00 5:06

want to share. And I think, you know, with the conversation about values, this is something I've come to appreciate. You know, very few of us really start choosing our values. And in fact, if we look at our lives holistically and we just go back to even childhood, most of us inherit our values in some way, shape, form, or fashion. And here's the thing: our values are going to be shaped by our families. They're going to be shaped by culture. They're going to be shaped if we're subscribe ourselves to some sort of institution of faith or religion is going to be influenced. Our values are going to be influenced by that. Our values are also going to be influenced by our level of education. And I don't mean from a brick and mortar have a degree because you can receive education in a wide array, uh, a wide range of ways. But education tends to shape how we view the world and our perspective perspective of it. So it makes sense that education is going to have an impact on our values, our careers, our colleagues, our communities, our successes, and then also our failures. And then also, you know, think about the people that we admire. Think about the people that we want to aspire to. Because when we want to aspire to be like somebody, there are values there. There are things that have to be done to reach wherever that individual has reached. Because success leaves clues and breadcrumbs. We're going to take on attributes that are going to put us in a place to where we aspire to be. At the same time, you know, we also, our values are also shaped by the people that we don't want to follow and the things that we don't want to do, and the things that we don't want to be a part of. Also, with that being said, and along the same conversation with respect to people, our values are going to be shaped around the fact that when it comes down to people, the people that we we have fear or we are afraid of disappointing. We're not going to do certain things that's going to disappoint a certain person or a group of people. And the truth is the values that we accumulate along the way for all the reasons that I have mentioned, and they're, and it's not limited to that, there's more. They become part of who we are. And we intentionally embrace all of those values. And then others simply become familiar because we lived them for so long that that's what we know. And sometimes we we reach a point where I think we then need to ask: do these values that we have accumulated over a period of time, values that we may not even be consciously aware that we have been following and been living by, does do these values continue to fit the person I am today or the person that I am becoming? And that's something that's rhetorical. That's for you to answer for you.

The Apple Pie Identity Wake Up

SPEAKER_00 8:35

So now, with that, let me talk about a quick story that stayed with me. And so I recently, recently, at least at the time of the recording of this episode, because the recording of this episode, um, all my episodes for my podcast series are pre-recorded. So shortly after I recorded this latest episode, there was a story that stayed with me from a guest that I had on this podcast. And that guest name is Audra Phelps. In fact, you can learn more about Audra if you go through my blog. If you see some of the content that I have, um, you may you may encounter Audra Phelps' name. And here's a little bit about Audra. Audra works with women who have left the Mormon faith because she was a Mormon herself at one point in time, and she works with women that are post-Mormon faith life. She works with women that are rebuilding their lives after years of living within a belief system that shaped not only what they believed, but also how they viewed themselves, their roles, and many of the choices that they made. And during our conversation, she shared a story that I think stuck with me ever since. And she and I don't think she realized how that story stuck with me. But here it goes is she there was a point in time during a Thanksgiving, she she realized she didn't know what her favorite pie was. And she was baking in apple pie, and she came to conclude that apple pie is not even a favorite. It was her husband's favorite, but it wasn't it wasn't hers. And she was doing all these things to please her family. And her husband never demanded apple pie, by the way. And I know this at first may sound silly, it may sound a little comical here, but her story is not and was not just about pie. It was really about, when I think about it, it was about identity. And somewhere along the way, Audra had spent so much of her life living according to expectations, even unspoken expectations, that she stopped asking herself what she genuinely enjoyed. And again, I'm not saying there was anything wrong with doing things for the family, but she mentioned that in the act of making this apple pie for Thanksgiving, that she started having some sort of resentment. And she needed to stop and think about that. She needed to stop and think and why she was building or had some sort of resentment. So again, sometimes the identities that we think we have have a certain impact on us that sometimes all it takes is something small to set off a larger conversation and to say, hey, is this really who I am?

Success Versus Someone Else’s Script

SPEAKER_00 11:47

And here's the thing, her story, I think it's it's very human because how many of us have pursued careers because they look successful? And here's the thing, I'm not saying to go blow up your your career right now, I'm not saying to make poor decisions because you don't like something or something that doesn't necessarily align with you right now. And so if you have responsibilities, I'm not telling you to go quit your job tomorrow. But what I'm saying is when we look at the types of careers that we have chosen, for example, and just because they look successful or they may be successful to our families, or you know, they, you know, you make perhaps a lot of money out of it and have to support your family, um, sometimes it's worth having that conversation. You know, is it time for a change? And then, and then take some time to, you know, with with wisdom and discernment and complete clarity to really decide, hey, what's my next step going to be? Because follow-on questions are gonna come come as a result. You know, how, for example, let's switch it up a little bit, you know, when it comes down to routines, you know, something that comes to mind is have we outgrown our routines? Have we outgrown someone else's expectations or definition of success or definition of how we should live our lives? And so, really, what I think what I think is happening here in this journey of realignment, I think what realignment does, it invites us to become curious again, to become curious about ourselves, about our lives, about how we're living our

Curiosity And The Why Behind Choices

SPEAKER_00 13:37

lives. So it's not just about what we do, but it gets after to the why we do what we do. And I think there's a big difference. And I think before we could take any action, before we can change anything, before we make the decision to quit, or this doesn't feel the same way and we're gonna take a different direction, I think it's worth asking the central and key question here is why do we do what we do? And I think once we start to get through the why, I think we're gonna start to get more clear about what aligns with us or what we aligned with. And here's the thing: I think

Values Shape Priorities Habits Baseline

SPEAKER_00 14:20

when we're able to get to a place of alignment, I think this is where alignment is going to create direction. And so, with that, one thing I've learned is that your values is what's going to become your compass. They're again, they're it's going to influence your priorities, it's going to influence your decisions because when your priorities are influenced, your priorities are going to shape your decisions. Your decisions are then going to become your habits, and your habits are eventually going to become your next baseline. And if nothing changes, if your priorities, decisions, and habits do not change, your life is not going to change. And so that's why this phase of realignment matters so much. Because if we built a life on values that are no longer fit who we are today, we're eventually going to find ourselves right back where we started, wondering why something still feels off. And here's the biggest thing I want I want you to conceptualize and think about. Realignment is going to give you the space and the permission to pause, to examine the foundation before you continue to keep building, not to reject the past, and also not to become someone else, but to become intentional about the future, to become intentional about your future.

Calm Creates Space For Clarity

SPEAKER_00 16:00

And this is where calm makes this possible. So going back to the previous episode, we talked about calmness and the important importance of calmness. Calm is what's going to make this a possibility. And this brings us back to why does calm matter? Because it's hard to examine your values when your life is filled with constant noise. It's hard to know what you believe when everyone else is telling you what to believe in. And it's hard to hear your own voice when every quiet moment is filled with some sort of distraction. So get off your phones and get off your tech, for example. Realignment, the ability to do that is going to require space and time. Space and time to reflect, space and time to question, space and time to discover. Because clarity is going to really, if ever at all, going to arrive in while you're in chaos.

Questions To Audit Inherited Values

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Question one, what values are guiding your life today? Question two. Which of those values have you intentionally chosen? And if you don't know what values you have intentionally chosen, take some time to really think about the values that you have and how you even got there. Again, pause. And then out of your list of values, which ones have you felt that you have simply inherited? And then do the values that you're living with align with the life that you are trying to build. And I'm not asking you to do anything, I'm not asking you to take any action. Really simply put, do it like this. List out. List out your values. And then separate which ones did you inherit along the way? Chances are it's going to be quite a bit of those values you inherited along the way. And then out of that, which values would you intentionally choose? And which values would you say, you know what? I don't like this. I don't, I don't like these values that I'm living by. It's time for a change. So with that, take some time to answer those questions. I'm not uh again, I'm not asking you to change anything. I'm not actually asking you to take action. And by no stretch of the imagination, please don't go blow up your life just because you heard this message today and say this is a sign. No, there's

Keep Tuning In And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 19:00

so much more left to this series. There's so many different topics that I still need, you know, I still want to tackle and still want to navigate. So continue to tune in week by week to finish this journey. Because right now we're only in realignment. We still have reclamation and elevation. We only got through collapse and confrontation. Now we're finishing up realignment. So again, don't go doing anything that you may regret later. Because, you know, as a disclaimer, I didn't tell you and I did not suggest or recommend that you go blow up your life and do something that you may have you should have taken more deliberate time in thinking about with wisdom, discernment, and complete clarity. But with that, the more you can go through this phase of realignment, you're gonna find that the quality of your baseline is going to be deeply connected to the values that underpin it. So, in closing, if collapse asks you what isn't working, and confrontation asks you what is true, then realignment is simply asking this what values will guide the life that you're trying to build next? Because a new baseline isn't built by changing everything around you, it's built by making sure the foundation within you is strong enough to support the life that you are wanting and looking to create. So, next time, on the next episode, we're gonna begin the fourth phase of C2R2E. And that phase is reclamation. And that is the point where clarity and alignment begin showing up through intentional actions. So, with that, I'm Danny De Jesus, and this has been my honor and privilege to do another episode of the next baseline. The links to the entire Elvadas ecosystem is going to be in the description. And so, until next time, I'm going to wish you all the peace, love, joy, and happiness. And until we meet again, until we connect again, keep asking this key question what do we build now to reach our next baseline? Take care.