Stop Training For Every Fight

The clearest proof that you’ve changed isn’t that life got easier. It’s that the same life doesn’t get the same reaction out of you anymore. We unpack what it really means to “elevate” after a hard season and why external wins like less stress, more money, or a new relationship can’t be the only measure of personal growth. The real test is internal: if the old circumstances returned tomorrow, would you show up differently? 

We walk through the final phase of the C2R2E methodology (Collapse, Confront, Realign, Reclaim, Elevate) and get honest about what long-term conflict can do to your nervous system, your relationships, and your sense of safety. When you live in constant defense mode, every disagreement can feel like a threat, silence can feel strategic, and your mind can keep running scenarios even after things go quiet. Those survival skills can help you endure, but they can also become a default way of living that drains peace and keeps you stuck. 

The turning point is a shift from strength to wisdom. Strength can help you survive difficult seasons, but wisdom helps you choose which battles are actually yours, when confrontation is no longer necessary, and how to protect your peace without building walls. You’ll leave with four reflection questions to help you spot real emotional resilience, healthier boundaries, and a new baseline that feels natural rather than forced. If this resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who’s been carrying too much, and leave a review with the biggest thing you’re ready to put down.

Transcript

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How To Tell You Changed

SPEAKER_01 0:03

How do you know when you've actually changed? And not because life all of a sudden got easier for you. And not because your problems magically had disappeared. But you've changed because you did. And this is where we're going to talk about, we're going to get really deep into this. Because I think that's one of one of the hardest things to recognize in life. Because we're often looking, I feel, for external signs that we've made progress. I think a lot of us are programmed to see progress in a very tangible and measurable way. And that could be through several different means and modes of signaling forward progress. And that could be a new job, a healthier relationship, perhaps making more money, achieving a place of less stress. Which those things in and of themselves, they can certainly be part of the story. However, I don't think they're necessarily the best measure of life transformation. And I think we need to start asking a better question. And I think the question that measures true progress is this has the way I respond to life changed? Because the circumstances that have led you down a undesirable path, if they were to reshow up tomorrow or even today, the question now really becomes: would you show up differently? How would you respond to the situation? And so that's what we're going to talk about today.

The C2R2E Method Recap

SPEAKER_01 2:07

So with that, I want to welcome you back on another episode of the next baseline. I'm Danny DeJesus, and this is the podcast where we always explore the one key and central question, and that is what do we build now to reach our next baseline? And over the last several episodes over the course of weeks, we've walked through this whole series of the C2R2E methodology. Collapse, confront, realign, reclaim, and now elevate. Because through this time, we recognize collapse as a signal. We've learned to confront reality as it is. We began to understand our resistance, realign our values and how our values impact the quality of our lives, to include reclaiming ownership of our lives and what that means. And so today, for today's episode, we're arriving at the fifth and final phase of this methodology, and that is elevation. And here's the thing: I don't, I am not a personal believer that elevation is the finish line. I actually think elevation is the moment we begin to realize the transition has changed us more than it changed the actual circumstances. It changes the way we look at life so that the way we look at life then changes how we interact with life. And I think this is a good segue to talk about, you know, just some personal things on my end in terms of how the strength I developed over years through all the conflicts I managed to navigate, how they helped me survive and then also navigate tough seasons. And so this is something that I've been reflecting on lately, especially because, you know, I find myself asking, I think, a very difficult question, at least for me. And I always feel like and continue to feel like I have conflict that's never ending. And so it led me to this key question here.

Living In Never-Ending Conflict

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Why has life felt like one giant never-ending conflict? It is a multitude of conflicts. And so at 39 years old, I will tell you, conflict has shown up in almost every area of my life. And that's through family, relationships of all kinds, to include romantic ones. It has shown up in parenting. For those that don't know my story, I have two daughters, two separate co-parenting relationships. Conflict for me has shown up in my professional life while serving in the military. You know, again, part of my story. I've been part of the military since I turned 18 back in 2005. So I have been active duty almost, you know, throughout my late teenage years, my whole entire adult life has been surrounded by the military. Specifically, I've had a background in the Air Force, and then I'm finishing up my career in the Space Force. So aside from work, also conflict has also consistently shown up in every major life transition that I have ever undergone. And even though I may have times experience, you know, I have may I may have experienced certain times where it has felt like one conflict has ended, sometimes for me it feels like when one ends, another one begins. And then other times the conflict never actually ends. And even if a situation became quiet or it went dormant, internally, I feel like I'm still carrying it. And so that caused me to reflect even deeper. And the deeper I reflected, the more I began to realize something that when life becomes unstable, I have this tendency, good, bad, or indifferent, where I become stronger. And that's not always, I'm not always talking about that from a perspective that it's always a good thing. And over time, that strength has led me to analyze situations, anticipate, anticipate problems, continue to document, take notes of what happened, and take all of that analysis to prepare what may happen next. By the way, I have an analytical background through my job, through my professional life. And so those skill sets, when it comes down to conflict, I use my analytical skill sets to start predicting what may happen next based off patterns that I've seen. To include, if I'm having conflict with an individual, I actually create a profile about them, things I've seen, so that I can anticipate what they will do next and how I will respond. This tends to happen to me. Where when you live like this, you know, I I for myself, I have become incredibly self-reliant because I felt like I couldn't trust another person. I couldn't trust someone else to protect what mattered to me. And holistically, when I took a look at all of this, yes, these qualities, they can serve, they could, they can and could serve me well, because these qualities help me endure and they also help me survive.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

But I'm going to tell you, as a warning, this all has a cost to it.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

Enduring and surviving has has a cost. And the problem, and the central issue here is it's not that strengths, having strengths are wrong. They're not. I encourage them, in fact. However, we have to be also aware is that they the problem can eventually become that they become the default way of living. And what sometimes tends to happen if we're not aware, every disagreement is going to start to feel like a threat. Silence is going to feel strategic. An unresolved issue can also feel like something that would eventually have to be addressed. And sometimes unresolved issues just don't have to be addressed. And then even after a conflict becomes quiet and dormant, here's the thing: my mind is still going. It's still preparing, it's still looking, it's still analyzing, it's still waiting. And yes, that is very, very exhausting. And I don't think I'm the only one out there that feels this. And I think many people who live through difficult transitions and situations, I think this episode, through this episode, I think you can understand what exactly it is that I'm talking about. And sometimes we become so good at surviving and so good at enduring that we forget how to simply live. And so I know this episode, we're gonna we're supposed to be talking about elevation and we're gonna get there. In fact, we're gonna make a quick, quick shift. But, you know, it's important to understand, I think, where we came from to where we're trying to go and what elevation actually is.

Strength Has A Hidden Cost

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Okay, so here's a shift that we're gonna talk about. Because something for me over the period of years, it's created, I guess I would say, some sort of change within me. And granted, I still grapple and I still struggle with this. So by no stretch of the imagination, I'm not saying that I figured this out because I haven't. But for years in the past, I thought the goal would always is always to be to get stronger so that you you can navigate better, you can endure more, you can survive, you can champion things. But as I the more I think about it, perhaps maybe the goal isn't to get more stronger. Perhaps the goal is not to fight another war within yourself or within within your external environment. But what if the goal is actually to become wiser? Because strength, yes, and I said this already, strength can help you survive difficult seasons. But wisdom is going to help help one recognize which battles are actually theirs to fight. And where strength can teach us how to confront situations, I think wisdom teaches when confrontation is no longer necessary. And here's the thing: it's a practice. And I still struggle with this today. So again, strength taught me endurance, but I think wisdom teaches peace. And not peace because every problem has to be solved. Some problems are just not resolvable. But peace because what I've learned along the way is that not everything that goes unresolved is still mine to fight.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Not everything that goes unresolved can be fought in one.

Trading Strength For Wisdom

SPEAKER_00 12:50

And I think that's what elevation looks like. At least a part of it.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

I think elevation, it's not about reaching a place where life stops testing you, because truth be told, life is going to continue to test you. But I think elevation is really about reaching a place where the same circumstances no longer control the way you respond. The conflict may still exist. The difficult person may still exist in your life. The uncertainty may still exist. But the key difference now is you've changed. You're not operating from fear. I'm not saying fear can may not permeate itself and make itself known, but you can you can better handle, get a better handle on what that fear is telling you and how to process and how to move forward. The other piece is, and again, I struggle with this, is the idea that we have to be constantly vigilant. Elevation does not teach us to be constantly uh vigilant, or that we need to consistently prove ourselves. Rather, we've we've built something stronger, and not just creating a wall around us, but we built something stronger within ourselves. And because of that, the same storm doesn't have to create the same response that we were used to operating under. Now, that being said, there's a lot of work to get to here. But this is why C2R2E is a methodology, it's a process. You can't just elevate tomorrow. You can't just say I have this issue and then expect to elevate tomorrow. It's a process and it's a journey. It's a journey towards reaching a new standard of living, or what I like to call a new operating system. And earlier in the series, in fact, you can look at this podcast and we talk about baselines. Elevation is the moment your new baseline becomes your new and normal way of living. You don't have to force it anymore. You naturally protect your peace, you naturally establish healthier boundaries, you naturally pause before reacting, you naturally ask better questions, and not because someone taught you a new technique, by the way, but because the transition, the life transition that you have encountered and you have journeyed through, it helped you change the way you see the world. And that, my friend, is transformation.

Four Questions For Real Growth

SPEAKER_01 15:47

So here's some things before we finish today that I would like for you to reflect on. I'm going to offer you four questions here.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

First one, how have you changed because of what you've been through? Question two In what areas or what ways are you responding differently than how you would have responded a few years ago? Question three. What strength has now become wisdom?

SPEAKER_01 16:25

And then finally, what battle are you still fighting today that may actually no longer belong to you? And so with that, take some time, put a pause here or finish listening to the to this episode, and then rewind back to these questions and take some time and reflect and answer them. Honestly, just have a conversation with yourself. Because sometimes the greatest evidence of growth isn't what you've gained, it's actually what you finally decided to put down.

Redefining Elevation As A Baseline

SPEAKER_01 16:58

So, in closing, as we look holistically at this whole method methodology, is this if collapse is asking you what isn't working, confrontation is asking you what is true, realignment asks you what values will guide your next baseline, reclamation asks, what are you willing, you know, are you willing to become the author of your next chapter and take that personal agency to take that control back, to be the driver's seat of your life, to be back in the driver's seat of your life again. And then finally, elevation also asks, how has this transition changed the way that you live? Because the goal is never to become stronger for the sake of becoming stronger. The goal is actually now to become wiser, to know when your strength is needed, and to also know when your peace deserves to lead instead. I'm not saying strength is not appropriate when used correctly. I've been here, you know, I've learned where before my strength felt like it would scorch the earth. And now, you know, in a military, in a military-esque kind of way of putting it, I now use my strength to do surgical and precision strikes instead. And then leave room enough to come back to the table and have a conversation and to find solutions.

Closing Thoughts And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 18:35

So with that, I'm Danny DeJesus. This has been another episode of the Next Baseline. And then the links to the Elvata's ecosystem are going to be in the description below. And until next time, keep asking the one central key question that we ask in every single episode what do we build now to reach our next baseline? Take care.